Can I Buy You A Drink?
by KayEsse
Summary: Spock decides to go on shore leave with his Captain and Doctor McCoy. While Jim and McCoy are there for finding a date, Spock wants to learn how the dating game works, and things don't quite work smoothly when he tries to add logic to the situation.
1. Chapter 1

"I am surprised Spock. You never take shore leave. Why the sudden change of heart?" Jim smiled in his first officer's direction.

"That is correct. I still believe that rest is rest. To cease using energy. But, I have decided that further study in this genre of recreational activity needs a more thorough analysis."

Jim turned warmly towards his friend and spoke with a bright grin.

"You got curious didn't you?"

"I would not put it in those terms Captain. I merely state that the leave which you seek away from the confines of the Enterprise is surely beneficial to your well being. So, I decided to take it upon myself to see if I could learn somethng from your absence."

"How can you learn anything if you're here. It doesn't matter Spock. Stay please, McCoy should be down in a bit. I think it's good we all get together for drinks, maybe a little dancing and of course there are the ladies."

"Indeed."

"What the hell is taking him so long anyway? Usually he's the one that's bitching at me for being late and now it's him.

"You are referring to the good doctor."

"Yes. He is supposed to join me. "

"Then perhaps I shall leave." Spock turned to leave, Jim stopped him...

"What? No don't go. What happened to you observing the human patterns of the male species?"

"I suppose I could make an exception."

"There you go. I knew you had it in you."

Communicator beeps

"Kirk here." Jim smiling from his previous statement.

"Ah Jim. I have some bad news."

"What is it Bones?"


	2. Chapter 2

"What is it Bones?" Jim's expression changing to concern and worry.

"Ah, it isn't that serious, really. Ensign Marlowe broke her leg while she was showering. Just an accident, but since no one is here at the moment to take care of it, I volunteered."

"How about M' Benga?"

"Oh, he's on shore leave Jim. First rotation I believe. It won't take me long, I got her all ready. Just need to set the bone. There are a few other things I need check on before I come down and join you. Sorry about that Jim. Duty calls."

"Of course Bones. That's fine. Whenever you're ready. The place is alive here Bones. Plenty of action if you know what I mean."

"Well, I'll get there when I can. Don't you dare run off with all the pretty ones. Leave some for me."

Jim laughed.

"No worries Bones. I'll keep a few for you. We'll manage til you get back."

"What do you mean? Who else is there with you?"

"Spock."

Silence.

"I pity you Jim. What the hell is hobgoblin doing on shore leave? His human side decided to peek out?"

"He's decided to take it upon himself to witness how human males attract the opposite sex."

"Oh really."

"So, we'll let you go Bones. Come down when you're done. Hope it's soon because I am getting pretty restless here all by myself."

"You're not alone Jim. You got Spock with you. He's bound to attract a few his way. The brainy type no doubt."

"No doubt," Jim replied.

"Have fun, but do show some restraint."

"No problem, Kirk out."

Jim replaced his communicator in his pocket and stared at his first officer.

"You were pretty quiet Spock, cat got your tongue?"

"No, it is still attached, besides there are no felines here."

Jim laughed and held his ribs while he did so.

"You have such a knack for humour Mr. Spock."

"I was not trying to be funny Jim."

"No, never."

"I have a question Captain."

"It's Jim, Spock."

"Yes, of course, Jim."

"What was your question?"

"How does the human male attract another potential mate?"

"Well, there are many ways a man can attract another mate?"

"For example?"

"Well, oh I know. One sign that someone is interested is eye contact."

"Yes, I have noticed that many people here are having problems with their vision."

"What do you mean?"

"They seem to all have a tick. A repetitive movement of the eye. Have you noticed?"

"I didn't notice anyone twitching Spock."

"Actually there is one female in the far corner that is experiencing a tick at this moment. It is quite peculiar, and she seems to be doing it while looking at you Jim."

Laugher erupted again from Jim while he tried to hold on to the wall he was leaning against.

"Oh, Mr. Spock, you are debilitating me with you humour. I don't believe I shall recover."

"Did I make an attempt at humour?"

"Yes, and it was brillant."

"I will never understand humans."

"What that girl is doing Spock is winking. She is flirting with me. Like everyone else is doing here."

"I see."

"She is wanting to know if I would be interested in her. So she winks at me. If I like her I blink back."

"Most peculiar. Why not the direct approach?"

"People are shy Spock. This way breaks the ice."

"Will you respond to her Jim. Will you blink back?"

"She isn't my type. No blondes for me tonight. I am going for tall, darker complexion."

"I shall certainly keep my eye out for a potential candidate Jim."

"You do that Spock. You do that." replied Jim smiling looking at his first officer affectionately.


	3. Chapter 3

"I am really surprised that the music isn't too loud. We can actually have a conversation without screaming." Jim replied as he looked around to get a better view of the place.

"Yes, it does seem to be a decent establishment. I have also noticed a high regard for security. The two individuals who welcomed us at the door and now more personnel inside as well."

"I noticed that also. It does feel safe here."

Jim finished his drink and went to the bar and asked for another.

"Another Gemstar please."

"Coming right up, gorgeous." replied the lovely female who tended the bar.

"She should have asked if you wanted something Spock."

"I believe her mind is elsewhere Jim."

"I beg your pardon."

"You have the ability to attract the females without even trying. It is most fascinating. How do you do it?"

"I swear to you Spock I have no clue why they do that."

"I find that humans in particular seem to dwell on physical attributes than relying on personality."

"Oh, and you think that it's a bad thing to be attracted to someone merely on how they look."

"Yes."

"Well, think for a moment Spock. When you meet someone for the first time, what is the first thing you see? You can't tell me the first thing that pops in your mind is that her mind is gorgeous."

"Not at first, but later as the conversation progresses you then begin to see if that person fits your criteria. Quite simple really."

"So you say. I wonder where my drink is?" Jim replied looking for the barkeep.

Moments later the pretty barkeep steps away from the bar and hands over the Captain his drink.

"Hello handsome, sorry about the delay. Just wanted to freshen up a little."

"I see. I am rather disappointed though miss. You should have asked my friend if he wanted something."

"I'm sorry. He didn't look thirsty."

"And I did?"

"Yes, and a bit hungry too, if you know what I mean."

Jim swallowed nervously.

The young lady who was about 25, petite, blonde and quite curvy didn't stop with her flirting.

"After you finish your drink, maybe you can buy me one sugar."

"Excuse me, miss...miss..."

"Name is Kheri. What's yours?"

The young female wrapped her short little arms around the Captain making him bend over to her height.

"Name is Jim. And I am not interested."

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm not. Forgive me miss but I am waiting for someone. Sorry."

"Fine. You don't know what your missing hun."

The girl left strutting her stuff as Jim and Spock both watched her go.

"Fascinating."

"I hate that when that happens."

"This happens often?"

"Yes, they seem to throw themselves at me. It's degrading."

"Her mind was pretty vacuous."

"Now that is something we both agree on."

"I have a question Jim."

"Shoot."

"Pardon?"

"It means, ask your question."

"Is that another way of attracting a potential partner. Asking them for a drink?"

"Yes, it is. It's an ice breaker Spock. It helps to loosen up. But you have to keep in mind not to abuse it either. Being drunk is not the way to go. You may not remember what you did afterwards."

"I shall remember that."

"I wonder if Bones will be down soon?"

"Yes, doctor McCoy shall be attempting the same thing you will. Finding a partner for the night."

"That's the plan."

"I calculate the doctor's success in attaining a desired mate to be 63.2 percent."

"That's it."

"Yes."

"Why give him such a low score?"

"For example he is older and not as...well rounded as other people here. It shall work against him."

"You think so."

"Yes."

"May I ask what you give me as a percentage."

"91.2 percent."

"That is quite high Spock."

"It is well justified. You have had two individuals that have shown interest. It shall not be long before someone comes along that you will be interested in."

"Well, thank you for the vote of confidence."

"Your are welcome Jim."

"About McCoy though, he could get lucky."

"Are you attempting humour Jim?"

"No, Spock I'm not. You said it yourself, it isn't only looks that attract people. The mind is also something to consider."

"I did say that didn't I."

"Yes, you did."

Communicator is heard seconds later.

"Kirk here."

"Jim, I am officially a free man. So watch out I'm coming down. Let's paint the town red."

"Sounds great Bones. Can't wait til you get down."

"This should prove interesting."

"How so?"

"I am curious to see who shall leave with someone tonight. You claim the doctor has a chance, equal to you. I await to see what shall transpire."

"Yes, let the party begin." Jim replied staring at his first officer, longer than necessary.


	4. Chapter 4

"Bones, we'll be meeting you at the front entrance. Mr. Scott has the exact coordinates for beaming down."

Jim and Spock began walking towards the opening of the club, trying to get past the crowd that was starting to overflow. It may have been quiet before but now it seemed to be rising in tempo.

"Yes he does Jim. I tell you, I have been waiting such a long time to get my feet on the dance floor, and to meet and greet the ladies."

"Same here Bones. We're moving now toward the entrance. It may be a little while before you find us. Lots of people here tonight."

"Don't worry, Jim. We'll find each other. Is...is Spock still there?"

"Yes, why? Want to talk to him?"

"No, just thought he'd head back up to the ship."

"He's studying humans, his new research project."

Spock followed Jim, while Jim excused himself constantly trying not to bump into the other people littering the dance floor.

Jim caught his breath when Spock rammed into him from behind, not realizing the Captain was going to cease his movements so abruptly. Spock apologized profusely. Jim didn't mind the encounter at all. In fact he wished secretly it would happen again.

McCoy could be heard again on the other end of the communicator but some reason Jim was lost in thought. Spock noticed that his commander had not responded to McCoy's question and touched him slightly.

"Jim, Jim, did you hear me? Are you almost at the entrance?"

"Captain, Dr. McCoy asked you a question."

"Oh, yes, of course. What, what did you say Bones?"

"Never mind. I'll just wait here at the door."

"Fine Bones. We're almost there."

Jim regained his strength, and closed off the feeling he had experienced moments before. He had known that there was something he felt toward his first officer but he could never believe it would manifest so strongly. He was madly in love. Spock was something special, and he wanted nothing but to tell him how he felt. But, relationships never worked with him. He wasn't going to jeopardize the friendship they shared for a roll in the hay. Spock deserved better.

Maybe tonight, here among so many different people Spock will find the one that would make him complete.

Finally after what it seemed like an eternity Bones came in. He had already started off the evening with a drink in hand. Looking quite pleased with himself.

McCoy noticed his friends in the short distance that separated them. Atleast one of them was his friend. Spock he wasn't to sure.

Smiling to himself, he went to greet them.


	5. Chapter 5

McCoy seeing his friends approach, walked toward them, drink in one hand while the other hand was waving,so they could notice him. The crowd was actually starting to spread out and making a path more accessible.

A pretty girl serving drinks had just finished placing the last glasses on a customer's table. As she left tray empty, McCoy took the opportunity to leave his glass on it, winking as he left.

He finally saw Jim and grinned ear to ear. It was contagious, moments later Jim did likewise.

"Well, I don't think it's going to be fair tonight Jim." McCoy replied eyeing his Captain.

"What makes you say that Bones?"

"You wearing that favorite green shirt of yours. You are going to have to beat them off with a stick."

Jim laughed, and responded back, playing the innocent,

"What, this old thing. Something I just threw on."

"Right."

"Why did you bring your medikit, Bones. I thought you were off duty?"

"I am never off duty when I am around you. You should know by now that wherever we're together you cause trouble."

"What makes you think that? I don't cause problems Bones. It's the other people who start. I just get caught in the middle."

"Whatever. I am prepared nonetheless. So are we ready to get this show on the road."

Spock approached his Captain and slowly turned towards the doctor.

"Oh, I forgot. Hobgoblin decided to tag along. We're doomed for sure."

"Bones, be nice. Spock is doing research."

"Jim, this is supposed to be shoreleave. Not some experiment. Why doesn't he go play in the lab like a good little Vulcan and blow up something."

"Really doctor, with your demeanor you will certainly fail miserably in attaining your goal. I surmise that I have given the doctor a higher score than he deserved."

"What is he talking about Jim?"

"Spock has decided to place a bet that I'll get lucky before you."

"Fascinating. " replied McCoy a la Spock.

Spock responded with an eyebrow raised in McCoy's direction.

"So, tell me what did you give me as a score Mr. Spock?"

"Would you like the original score or the revised version?"

"Are you being funny Spock?"

"Never."

"Come on Jim, tell me, what did he give me?"

Jim hesitated, not sure how to respond to his friend.

"I'm waiting Jim. It can't be that bad can it."

"He gave you 63.2 percent."

"It has changed since," replied the Vulcan.

"What did he give you Jim?"

"Bones, really there is not that much difference. It ain't worth mentioning."

"Tell me."

"90 percent."

"91.2 percent to be precise." Spock replied seconds later.

"Well, I have my work cut out for me then. Why the low score Spock?"

"You are older than the Captain and you lack certain attributes to your physique."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means the Captain is more rounded and I have noticed that humans tend to find that aspect of anatomy pleasing."

"Only humans Spock?"

"Gentlemen please, enough. We came here to have fun. Well, atleast the good doctor and I did. Try to remain civil. Or do I have to pull rank and make it an order?"

"I'll play nice Jim. It's Spock you have to watch out for."


	6. Chapter 6

"Jim, can I talk to you for a moment? Alone!"

Making emphasis on the last word, it was meant in Spock's direction. The science officer realized he was not to be involved in the conversation and excused himself a few feet away.

"Sure Bones. What seems to be the problem?"

"You're kidding right?" McCoy answered in bewilderment.

"I don't understand what you're talking about Doctor. What problem?"

Voice raised he spoke.

You can't be serious that you want him here. He'll screw up our shore leave for sure."

"Spock! Come on Bones don't be ridiculous and keep your voice down. He's got good hearing."

Jim worrying about Spock's reaction if he would overhear their conversation, pulled McCoy closer to him by grabbing his arm.

"He's here to do research. We're here to have fun. Let him be."

"Look, I sympathize that he doesn't go out much. But why rain on our parade. And another thing he isn't the subtle type. He'll blurt anything out thinking it's the logical thing to do. We won't stand a chance."

"Enough McCoy."

Spock's head jerked up from the outburst. McCoy recoiled slightly.

"Fine, I wash my hands of it. But don't come crying to me when your bed ends up empty. I'm through convincing you."

McCoy stepped back, his blue eyes more intense because of the argument.

Spock came back into the fold and watched McCoy and Jim intently.

"I surmise my presence here is not wanted. I believe it is time for me to leave."

"No, you aren't leaving. You are doing research Spock. It may be your way of letting off steam. You have every right to be here. So come on people, let's just try to be civil. Deal?"

Jim took out his hand and waited for McCoy to take it. He did moments later. Spock nodded not wanting to touch the humans, especially just witnessing the emotional outburst.

Jim's mind would not have been unpleasant, remembering the times they had touched in the past. But McCoy would not have been the same. He secretly wished that there was no animosity between them but it seemed everytime they were together they fought. And he was not looking forward to knowing how McCoy really felt about him.

The three men looked at each other and decided on a truce.

How long it would be, would be anybodies guess.


	7. Chapter 7

Dr. Leonard McCoy stepped back a little from his friends and started to do the little bouncy thing he does with his feet. When the good doctor did that you knew he was getting excited about something. His smile showing seconds later it was confirmed.

"Well, I don't know about you but I am ready for some action." McCoy said smiling with glee.

Jim smiled back and replied warmly.

"Sounds good to me Bones. Well, speak of the devil, someone is giving you the eye." Jim said amused.

McCoy surprised raised his voice slightly, than brought it down a notch.

"Where? I mean, oh really. That's nice." The doctor pretending he didn't care in the slightest, milked it for it was worth.

"She's tall Bones. Nice dress, looking your way."

"I believe the good doctor is experiencing what you humans call chilled feet."

Laughter erupted between Jim and McCoy as they looked at Spock.

"Jim, I thought you told me Spock doesn't know what humor is."

"That is true doctor. I do not. And this business of not telling the other partner you are interested in them in a straight forward manner is illogical. We Vulcans consider the direct approach the better method."

"Well, just let the dating game to the big boys Spock, we know what we are doing."

"Obviously." Spock responded with an eyebrow raised aimed for the physician.

"Bones, she's coming over."

"Just act natural Jim. No big deal."

The tall lady who wore a beautiful pink dress and the back open walked up to McCoy and asked him a question.

"So, are you going to buy me a drink? The name is Miah"

"Of course. What is your poison Miah?"

Hearing the remark and not understanding the idiom Spock stepped forward.

"Forgive me miss, the good doctor does not truly wish to poison you. At least I do believe that to be the truth. If you must know, he finds you attractive."

"Spock, please I can handle this. Go pester a fake plant."

"I find him attractive also."

"You see Spock. Now shooe."

"Now, what was your poison miss?"

"A Bilaam on the rocks."

"Coming right up."

McCoy motioned to the bar keep for the drink and seconds later she took a sip.

"Is it good?"

"Yes, very. It's sweet. Like you."

Spock for some reason found the process of mating excruciatingly slow and decided to take the manner in his own hands. All the while thinking that McCoy would appreciate the gesture.

"Excuse me miss. I believe I can help you speed up the process as my first attempt was thwarted."

"Spock stay out of this."

Jim just smiled all the time watching the show...trying not to laugh and failing miserably.

"I am only facilitating the process doctor. The doctor intentions are quite clear. He wishes to engage in coitus with you after you have drank a substantial amount of spirits. He would like to know if you are interested."

"What is coitus?"

"Oh, forgive me. He would like to engage in sexual intercourse, or you humans call it sex, or the more crude word, a good fuck."

The lady brimming with rage stood up.

Spock thinking he had helped McCoy had turned towards waiting for what humans called gratification for a job well done. What he got instead was the young lady turning him around forcefully and throwing her drink in his face and storming off.

Spock was shocked but did not show it. Wet and confused he spoke to Jim and the good doctor.

"I do not understand."

"Didn't I tell you Jim he'd screw it for us."

"Spock that was not subtle." Jim replied softly feeling bad for his friend.

"Dammit Spock, you blew it for me. You made it look like she was a hooker, and I was her partner for the evening and you were a pimp."

"I thought I could speed up the process of mating."

"Spock, we want it to be a slow process. Not everyone follows that route but Bones wanted to. He wanted to get to know her. He didn't want to rush things. It's not your fault. Bones will get another chance at finding someone. Now, why don't you go clean up."

"Very well, if you will excuse me."

Spock left dripping.

"Jim, this is worse than I thought. At this rate we'll never get laid tonight."

"Have ye little faith doctor. The night is young."

Bones crossed his arms and rolled his eyes at the statement.

They both waited for the next chance to come their way. Surprisingly enough another woman spotted McCoy and winked at him.

Jim smiled to himself. Here we go again.


	8. Chapter 8

Spock looked as he always did. Immaculate. Even though he had been humiliated with the drink thrown on his person, he quickly recovered and wanted the event to be forgotten.

He stood next to the Captain while McCoy kept looking to the brunette in the red dress that kept winking at him.

The Captain regarded his officer and his friend and had felt sorry for the misunderstanding that had occurred.  
>It wasn't Spock's fault he just happened to misinterpret the language. He really needed to brush up on that.<p>

"Spock, you all right? You still want to stay with us emotional humans, that will burst into flames at any given moment."

"To answer both questions, yes. I ...forgive me Dr. McCoy I should have not interfered with your encounter this evening. "

"Fine, fine Spock. Look another girl is looking at me. Now, be a good little Vulcan and go back to the ship. Then I'll know you mean well."

"Bones, don't be ridiculous. It isn't Spock's fault he didn't understand the idiom. With time, and someone to show him I am sure he'll master the signs of flirting and the words that go along with it."

McCoy looked at the girl in the red dress and looked at Jim and Spock and said in a southern drawl, "In a pig's eye."

"Bones, come on give Spock a break."

"Fine, fine. He can stay. But please, get out of my hair. There is a brunette that has been eyeing me for the longest time and I don't want you to mess it up. Capiche?"

"Yes, very well Doctor. I believe I understand."

"Good, oh Jim...she's coming this way."

"You are really lucky tonight Bones."

"And why not. They know a gentlemen when they see one."

The lovely lady wearing a red dress and brown hair approached the men. She went near McCoy first and spoke softly.

"Hello, I couldn't help but overhear from my friends that you are a doctor is that correct?"

"Why yes it is."

"Let's skip the formalities doctor. I have a recurring pain that I really want you to take a look at. Would you mind?"

McCoy smiling offered his hand and she took it.

"My name is K'lara, what is yours?"

"Name is Leonard. Nice to meet you. Do you have a place in mind?"

"I do actually, have a place not to far away. Maybe you can help me out with the pain?"

"Well, I can certainly try miss. Lead the way."

McCoy was about to leave and stopped before saying a few words to his friends.

"Spock, I just want to say that maybe logic is not on your side tonight, you failed miserably at your calculations. Perhaps you need to change those numbers. Have a good time Jim. Don't wait up."

"I won't Bones. Have fun."

McCoy left as Jim and Spock watched them leave.

Spock was dumbfounded, well who knows how Vulcan's look like when that occurs.

Jim looked at him curiously and asked him a question.

"What's wrong Spock? You seem to look out of sorts."

"Forgive me, Captain. I am at a loss for words. It is a first mind you."

"Why?" replied Jim curious.

"I do not understand why McCoy was chosen over you sir."

"Spock, the night is still young. I am happy for Bones, he needed this."

"But I assume you also seek someone tonight."

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see who gives me a sign."

"Indeed. Do not be discouraged Captain. I am sure someone will answer that sign."

"So do I Spock, so do I." Jim replied. But in his heart he had the person right there, but he was not available.


	9. Chapter 9

Spock looked around the establishment to see if he could find Jim someone that fit the description his friend had laid out.

A tall, dark haired candidate was in order and Spock having a keen eye for analyzing data thought that this would be as easy.

The crowd had dispersed somewhat, so it was far easier to distinguish an individual than before.

Spock was still finding it difficult to comprehend that the good doctor, the chief surgeon, of a less flattering figure had found a companion that evening.

Spock did not believe that being aesthetically pleasing would guarantee a mate. And McCoy surely proved that.

But what of his captain? Many women, time and time again had found the charming leader quite attractive.

His friend had never encountered problems when it came to finding someone to spend an evening alone. But why was the captain pushing away all of them?

Granted, he had wished for something a little different. The captain usually desired the petite femme.

Spock continued to analyze the crowd, looking for the perfect woman. He wanted to do this for his friend. But, deep down he regretted that he had offered. For it would certainly not be long that with or without his help he would find someone and would leave.

Being alone for the rest of evening had left an emptiness in Spock, as he thought about it some more.

Jim had left for a moment and had returned. He could see Spock looking, observing, analyzing everything around him.

Jim smiled as he looked at his friend. Always thoughtful, such a dear friend to be thinking about me tonight instead of enjoying the evening himself.

If only he knew that he needn't look far. That the person he needed to find was himself.

Spock was his friend, but during the two years together on the Enterprise, it had changed. So much more had happened between them. The close calls, the long staff meetings, the endless paper work(-paper), the games of chess, the workouts. Even the days where they did nothing at all but talk about nothing in particular. The friendship had deepened. So much so, that Jim believed that Spock was his soul mate.

But thinking it, and telling your friend is something entirely. What do you when friendship doesn't fit in the equation any more? That what you want can never happen because your friend doesn't see you that way. You grow a thick skin, so that the feelings you are experiencing don't fall hard on you like a ton of bricks, when you are near him.

Because friendship is all you can ever have.

"Captain, I have been searching the crowd for a potential candidate this evening. There are many you would find pleasing, I am sure." Spock replied confident.

Jim was staring at Spock not truly listening what he had said.

"Jim, have you heard what I have said?"

"What?" Jim said in a blur of confusion.

"The women. I have found quite a few that you may like." Spock responded softly.

"Sorry, Spock. I was, lost in thought." Jim replied sadly.

"I do believe you will be pleased with the one's I have chosen."

Jim tried to smile, he did but his facial expression betrayed him.

"Thank you, Spock. It's, it's very kind of you."

"I wish for you to have a pleasant evening." Spock responded his voice honest.

"I appreciate it. So, who did you find that may be of interest?"

Spock was just about to point out the first young lady when a young man came behind his friend and covered his eyes.

"Guess who?" said the young, tall, dark haired man.

Jim smiled and was about to explode in joyful exuberance.

He turned around to find the man staring at him with a smile of his own.

"Derek? Derek Michaels! Oh my God." Jim replied his eyes wide with expression.

"The one and only." Derek replied moving closer.

"It's been ages." Jim smiled again and also getting closer.

Spock looked at the exchange and was pleased that Jim had found an old friend.

But the Vulcan's expression changed when they locked lips in front of him.


End file.
